email from management

[davidfcooper]

Email From Management
>> TO: All Employees
>> RE: Swearing at work
>>
>> it has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals
>> throughout the company have been using foul
language during the
course
>> of normal conversation with their co-workers.
>>
>> Due to complaints received from some employees who
may be easily
>> offended, this type of language will no longer be
tolerated. we do,
>> however, realize the critical importance of being
able to accurately
>> express your feelings when communicating with
>> co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and
Innovative "TRY SAYING"
>> phrases have been provided so that proper exchange
of ideas and
>> information can continue in an effective manner.
>>
>> 1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
>> INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're
doing.
>>
>> 2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
>> INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.
>>
>> 3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
>> INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me
to do this?
>>
>> 4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
>> INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
>>
>> 5) TRY SAYING: Really?
>> INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!
>>
>> 6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
>> INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
>>
>> 7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
>> INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
>>
>> 8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
>> INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
>>
>> 9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be
implemented.
>> INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.
>>
>>
>> 10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
>> INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me
sooner?
>>
>> 11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
>> INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
>>
>> 12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
>> INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
>>
>> 13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
>> INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
>>
>> 14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
>> INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
>>
>> 15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
>> INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
>>
>> 16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
>> INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.
>>
>> 17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
>> INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you
boss?
>>
>> 18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
>> INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.