AOLer Translator

[davidfcooper]

if u evar ned 2 wriet liek a 9 year-old in an
aol chat rom use this 2 enter ur desierd
comuniqua clik and ur mesaeg wil b
conv3rted in2 teh propar aol coloqueis!1!1! omg wtf
http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html

For an example, here's the translated version of Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

1!!!1 WTF LOL TEH LOV3 SONG OF J!1!! WTF LOL ALFRED PRUFROK


S’IO CREDESE CH3 MIA RISPOSTA FOSE
A PARSONA CH3 MAE 2RNAS3 AL MONDO
QU3STA FIMMA STARIA S3NZA PIU SCOSA
MA!111!!!1 OMG PERCIOCHE GIMMAE DI QUES2 FONDO
NON 2RNO VIVO ALCUN S’I’ODO IL VERO
S3NZA TAMA D’INFMIA TI RISPONDO
!!11!!1 OMG LOL

LET US GO TH3N U AND I
WH3N DA EV3NNG IS SPR3AD OUT AGANEST TEH SKY
LIEK A PATEINT ATHARIESD UPON A TABLA
LAT US GO THROUGH C3RTANE HALF-DASERTED TEH MUTERNG R3TREATS 5
OF RASTLAS NIGHTS IN ONA-NIGHT CHAAP HOT3LS
AND SAWDUST RASTAURANTS WIT OYST3R-SH3LS
STRETS TAHT FOLOW LIEK A TADIOUS ARGUMENT
OF INSIDIOUS INTENT
2 LEAD U 2 AN OVERWH3LMNG QUASTION … O DO NOT ASK WUT IS IT”
LAT?!!!! OMG WTF US GO AND MAEK OUR VISIT
!!11 OMG WTF LOL
IN DA ROM TEH WOMEN COMA AND GO
TOKNG OF MICHALANGELO
!!!!1!! DA YELOW FOG TAHT RUBS ITS BAK UPON TEH WINDOW-PAENS DA Y3LOW SMOKE TAHT RUBS ITS MUZLE ON TEH WINDOW-PAENS
LIK3D ITS 2NGUA IN2 TEH CORNERS OF TEH EV3NNG
LNG3RED UPON TEH POLS TAHT STAND IN DRANES
L3T FAL UPON ITS BAK TEH SOT TAHT FALS FROM CHIMNEYS
SLIPED BY TEH TERAEC MAED A SUDEN LAAP 20
AND SENG TAHT IT WAS A SOFT OC2BR NIGHT
CURLED ONC3 ABOUT DA HOUSE AND F3L ASLEP
!!11!1 OMG
AND INDED THEIR WIL B TIEM
FOR DA YELOW SMOKA TAHT SLIEDS ALONG DA STRET
RUBNG ITS BAK UPON DA WINDOW-PAENS THEYRE WIL B TIEM THEYRE WIL B TIEM
2 R A FAEC 2 MET DA FAECS TAHT U THEIR WIL B TIEM 2 MURDER AND CREAET
AND TIEM FOR AL TEH WORKS AND DAYS OF HANDS
TAHT LIFT AND DROP A QU3STION ON UR PLAET 30
TIEM FOR U AND TIEM FOR ME
AND TIEM YAT FOR A HUNDRAD INDECISIONS
AND FOR A HUNDRED VISIONS AND R3VISIONS
BFOR3 DA TAKNG OF A 2AST AND T3A
!1!!!
IN DA ROM TEH WOM3N COM3 AND GO 35
TOKNG OF MICHELANGELO
11!!!! WTF LOL
AND INDED THEYRE WIL B TIEM
2 WONDER “DO I DAER”?!?????!? WTF LOL AND “DO I DAER”
TIEM????!?!? OMG WTF 2 TURN BAK AND DASCAND TEH WIT A BALD SPOT IN TEH MIDLE OF MAH HARE— 40
[THEY WIL SAY “HOW HIS HARE IS GROWNG MAH1!!1 OMG WTF LOL MORNNG COAT MAH COLAR MOUNTNG FIRMLY 2 TEH MAH N3KTEI RICH AND MODEST BUT ASERTED BY A SIMPLE PIN—
[THAY WIL SAY “BUT HOW HIS ARMS AND LEGS R THIN”]
DO!!!!!!1 OMG WTF LOL I DAER 45
DISTURB DA UNIEVRS3
IN??!??!??? LOL A MINUTE THEYRE IS TIEM
FOR DECISIONS AND RAVISIONS WHICH A MINUT3 WIL R3VERS3
11!1!11! OMG WTF LOL
FOR I HAEV KNOWN THEM AL ALREADY KNOWN TH3M AL—
HAEV KNOWN DA EVANNGS MORNNGS AFTARNONS 50
I HAEV M3ASURAD OUT MAH LIEF WIT COFE SPONS
I KNOW DA VOIECS DYNG WIT A DYNG FAL
BNEATH DA MUSIC FROM A FARTHAR ROM
1!!1!1!1 WTF LOL SO HOW SHUD I PRESUME
?!!!? WTF LOL
AND I HAEV KNOWN DA EYES ALRAADY KNOWN TH3M AL— TEH 3Y3S TAHT FIX U IN A FORMULAETD PHRAES
AND WHAN IM FORMULAETD SPRAWLNG ON A PIN
WHAN IM PINED AND WRIGLNG ON DA WAL
TH3N HOW SHUD I BGIN
2 SPIT OUT AL DA BUT-ENDS OF MAH DAYS AND WAYS ?!??!? OMG 60
AND HOW SHUD I PR3SUMA
?!!?? OMG WTF LOL
AND I HAEV KNOWN TEH ARMS ALR3ADY KNOWN THEM AL—
ARMS TAHT R BRAECL3T3D AND WHIET AND BAER
[BUT IN TEH LMPLIGHT DOWN3D WIT LIGHT BROWN HARE]
IT1!!!11 OMG LOL IS PARFUM3 FROM A DRES 65
TAHT MAEKS M3 SO DIGRES
ARMS?!?????!! OMG WTF LOL TAHT LEI ALONG A TABLA OR WRAP ABOUT A SHAWL
111!111 OMG WTF AND SHUD I TH3N PRESUMA
?!?!? WTF LOL AND HOW SHUD I BGIN
?!?!??!! OMG WTF LOL !1!1!1 WTF LOL !!11!1!! OMG LOL !!1!1! LOL !1!1!1! OMG WTF LOL
SHAL1!111! WTF LOL I SAY I HAEV GONA AT DUSK THROUGH NAROW STRETS 70
AND WATCH3D TEH SMOKE TAHT RIESS FROM TEH PIEPS
OF LON3LY MEN IN SHIRT-SLEV3S LAANNG OUT OF WINDOWS…
??!?! OMG
I SHUD HAEV BEN A PARE OF RAGAD CLAWS
SCUTLNG ACROS DA FLORS OF SIELNT S3AS
!1!1!1! OMG LOL 1!!1!1!! 11!!!1! OMG WTF LOL 1111!!!1 OMG LOL !!1!!!!1 WTF
AND11!!!!!1 DA AFT3RNON TEH AV3NNG SLEPS SO PEAECFULY !111 OMG 75
SMOTHED BY LONG FNGERS
ASLEP … TIERD … OR IT MALNG3RS
STR3TCHED ON DA FLOR H3R3 BSIED U AND MA
SHUD!11!1!! I AFT3R T3A AND CAEKS AND IECS
HAEV TEH STRENGTH 2 FORC3 DA MOMENT 2 ITS CRISIS ??!!!! 80
BUT THOUGH I HAEV W3PT AND FASTED W3PT AND PRAEYD
THOUGH I HAEV SEN MAH H3AD [GROWN SLIGHTLY BALD] BROUGHT IN UPON A PLATER
IM NO PROPH3T—AND HER3’S NO GREAT MAT3R
I HAEV SEN DA MOMANT OF MAH GR3ATNES FLIKER
AND I HAEV SEN TEH ETERNAL FOTMAN HOLD MAH COAT AND SNIKER 85
AND IN SHORT I WAS AFRADE
111!!11 OMG WTF
AND WUD IT HAEV BEN WORTH IT AFTAR AL
AFTER TEH CUPS DA MARMALAED TEH TAA
MONG DA PORCELANE MONG SOMA TOK OF U AND MA
WUD IT HAEV BEN WORTH WHIEL 90
2 HAEV BITEN OF TEH MATER WIT A SMIEL
2 HAEV SQUEZED DA UNIEVRSA IN2 A BAL
2 ROL IT 2WARD SOM3 OVARWHELMNG QUESTION
2 SAY “IM LAZARUS COM3 FROM DA D3AD
COM3 BAK 2 TEL U AL I SHAL T3L U AL”— 95
IF ONA S3TLNG A PILOW BY H3R H3AD
SHUD SAY “TAHT IS NOT WUT I MEANT AT AL
1!111!1! WTF TAHT IS NOT IT AT AL”
1111 OMG LOL
AND WUD IT HAEV B3N WORTH IT AFTAR AL
WUD IT HAEV BAN WORTH WHIEL 10
AFTAR DA SUNSATS AND TEH DORYARDS AND DA SPRINKLED STRETS
AFTER DA NOV3LS AFT3R DA T3ACUPS AFTAR DA SKIRTS TAHT TRALE ALONG DA FLOR—
AND THIS AND SO MUCH MORE—
IT?????!??! LOL IS IMPOSIBL3 2 SAY JUST WUT I MEAN
BUT1!1!!11 AS IF A MAGIC LANTERN THREW TEH NERVAS IN PATERNS ON A SCREN 105
WUD IT HAEV BEN WORTH WHIEL
IF ON3 S3TLNG A PILOW OR THROWNG OF A SHAWL
AND TURNNG 2WARD DA WINDOW SHUD SAY
“TAHT IS NOT IT AT AL
TAHT IS NOT WUT I M3ANT AT AL”
!11!!1 LOL 1!!!! OMG 1!1!!!1 WTF 11!!!1! WTF LOL 1!!1!!!! WTF 11!1!11 10
NO1!11 OMG IM NOT PRINCA HMLET NOR WAS MEANT 2 B
M AN ATANDANT LORD ONE TAHT WIL DO
2 SW3L A PROGR3S START A SC3NA OR TWO
ADVIES DA PRINC3 NO DOUBT AN 3ASY 2L
DEFERENTIAL GLAD 2 B OF USA 15
POLITIC CAUTIOUS AND METICULOUS
FUL OF HIGH SENTENC3 BUT A BIT OBTUSE
AT TIEMS INDED ALMOST RIDICULOUS—
ALMOST AT TIEMS DA FOL
1!1!1!1! OMG WTF
I GROW OLD … I GROW OLD … 120
I SHAL WEAR TEH BOTOMS OF MAH TROUSERS ROLED
!1!!1!1 WTF
SHAL I PART MAH HARE BHIND?!!?!? OMG DO I R 2 EAT A P3ACH
I?!???! SHAL W3AR WHIET FLANEL TROUSARS AND WOK UPON TEH BACH
I!1!1!11 WTF HAEV H3ARD DA MARMADES SNGNG EACH 2 EACH
1!!11 OMG LOL
I DO NOT THINK TAHT THEY WIL SNG 2 M3 1111!1!1 WTF LOL 125

I HAEV SEN THEM RIDNG SAAWARD ON TEH WAEVS
COMBNG DA WHIET HARE OF TEH WAEVS BLOWN BAK
WH3N TEH WIND BLOWS TEH W8R WHIET AND BLAK
1!1!1!!1 OMG WTF
WA HAEV LNGER3D IN TEH CHMBRS OF DA SEA
BY SEA-GIRLS WRAATH3D WIT S3AEW3D R3D AND BROWN 130
TIL HUMAN VOIECS WAEK US AND W3 DROWN11!111 LOL