Stephen Wright's Zen Thoughts
Jun. 9th, 2005 06:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davidfcooperZEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
(According to
Stephen Wright)
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like -- night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below
average.
10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the
cheese in the trap.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your
week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending
machines.
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great
trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
of payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?
Raise my hand...
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible
ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously
overlooked something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in
the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just
don't have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without
sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.
32. What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept
falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what
the
hell happened.
37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why
some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
(According to
Stephen Wright)
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like -- night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below
average.
10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the
cheese in the trap.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your
week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending
machines.
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great
trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
of payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?
Raise my hand...
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible
ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously
overlooked something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in
the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just
don't have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without
sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.
32. What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept
falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what
the
hell happened.
37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why
some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
