Hebonics

[davidfcooper]

I've seen and probably posted similar satires before.



The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English -

now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language. Backers of the move say

the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize

Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York

culture.



According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York

University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives

from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.



Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question

is usually another question-plus a complaint that is implied or

stated. Thus, 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with

my feet?'"



Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for

expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh"

or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a

nosebleed?"


Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the

end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."



Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of

the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a

turtle,' could be "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline, he

walks."



Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook,

Switched-On Hebonics:



1. Question: "What time is it?"

English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."

Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"


2. Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."

English response: "Thanks."

Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"



3. Remark: "Hurry up! Dinner's ready."

English response: "Be right there."

Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. what's with the

'hurry' business?? Is there a fire?"



4. Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."

English response: "Glad you like it." Hebonic response: "So what's

the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you?



5. Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."

English response: "Congratulations!"

Hebonic response: "She could stand to lose a few pounds."



6. Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"

English answer: "Just say when!

Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding!? Do I look like a cowboy?"



7. To guest of honor at his birthday party:

English remark: "Happy birthday."

Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."


8. Remark: "A beautiful day."

English response: "Sure is."

Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"



9. Answering a phone call from son:

English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."

Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

Comments

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

My mom's an intellectual who speaks a rather elevated standard English. My maternal grandmother took private English lessons for many years after arriving in the USA to avoid the usage described here, but then again her contemporaries recall her spoken and written Yiddish as elegant and high-brow.