2 jokes

[davidfcooper]

A NICE BIKER TALE
>
>
>A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They
>couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would
>just walk home.
>
>
>On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an
>anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple
>of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a
>problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
>
>
>While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady
>named Mrs. Cohen, who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me
>how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
>
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>The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird
>Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot."
>
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>Mrs. Cohen suggested, "Vy don you put de anvil in the bocket, schlep the
>bocket mit eine hant, put a chicken under each arm and carry de goose in
>your odder hant?"
>
>
>"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
>
>
>On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll
>be there in no time."
>
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>Mrs. Cohen looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely vidow
>vitout a husband to defend me. How do I know that ven we get in the alley
>you vont hold me up against the vall, pull up my skoirt, and rhavish me?"
>
>
>The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two
>chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
>against the wall and do that?"
>
>
>Mrs. Cohen replied, "Put the goose down, kover him mit de bocket, put the
>anvil on top of de bocket, and I'll hold the chickens."

*******************************************************************************
HEADACHE REMEDY

>The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
>news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
>which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure
>creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
>remove the testicles."
>
>
>
>Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
> He had no choice but to go under the knife.
>
>
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>When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in
>20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. He
>walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
>
>
>
>He could make a new beginning, and live a new life. He saw a men's
>clothing store, and thought "that's what I need.",..a new suit." He
>entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit". The elderly
>tailor eyed him briefly, and said "Let's see...size 44 long".
>
>
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>Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
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>
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>Been in the business 60 years, the tailor said.
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>Joe tried on the suit...it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
>mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought a moment,
>and then said, "sure".
>
>
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>The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves, and 16 1/2 neck.
>
>
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>Joe was surprised. "That's right, how did you know?"
>
>
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>Been in the business 60 years.
>
>
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>Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. He walked comfortable around
>the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe
>thought for a moment and said "sure".
>
>
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>The salesman said "Let's see...size 36".
>
>
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>Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you. I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
>old".
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>
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>The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
>press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
>hell of a headache."
>
>
>
>New suit - $400
>
>New shirt - $36
>
>New underwear - $6
>
>Second Opinion - PRICELESS

Comments

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

cute, both of them, I'd haven't heard either, which is saying a lot :)

Second Opinion - PRICELESS

[ragecarnuu.livejournal.com]

haha!

[richardf8]

That first one . . .

There is a song on the Lou and Peter Berryman Album "Double Yodel" called "A Pair Of Geese" that tells the same story, very nearly word for word.

[laffinman.livejournal.com]

...Pre-internet great jokes like these came along maybe once, twice a year.......
Now I'm seeing like, maybe 5 per month
Where were all these clever joke creaters before the internet came along?

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

They were always out there several degrees of separation away; the internet speeds up the connections and communication.