New Lyrics for Boomers

xposted elsewhere

SONGS FOR BABY BOOMERS!

It was fun being a baby boomer...'till now.
Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits
with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

1. Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

3. Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

4. Ringo Starr -- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

5. Roberta Flack -- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Marvin Gaye -- Heard it Through the Grape Nuts

10. Procol Harem -- A Whiter Shade of Hair


11. Leo Sayer -- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

12. The Temptations -- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba -- Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy -- I am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson -- On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore's -- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To

New Lyrics for Boomers

xposted elsewhere

SONGS FOR BABY BOOMERS!

It was fun being a baby boomer...'till now.
Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits
with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

1. Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

3. Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

4. Ringo Starr -- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

5. Roberta Flack -- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Marvin Gaye -- Heard it Through the Grape Nuts

10. Procol Harem -- A Whiter Shade of Hair


11. Leo Sayer -- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

12. The Temptations -- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba -- Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy -- I am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson -- On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore's -- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To

an oldie

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before,

I'd be dead now!"

an oldie

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before,

I'd be dead now!"

Which slang do I speak?

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 50%

Southern Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

I had to guess most of the answers.

Which slang do I speak?

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 50%

Southern Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

I had to guess most of the answers.

The Great Pudding Robbery

Thanks to laffinman who posted this in his lj.

Vanilla Pudding Robbery


This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at
disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers,
who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables,
were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they
found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At
least we'll have a bit to eat."

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing
but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were
opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of
gold.

Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing
more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The next day the
morning newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

The Great Pudding Robbery

Thanks to laffinman who posted this in his lj.

Vanilla Pudding Robbery


This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at
disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers,
who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables,
were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they
found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At
least we'll have a bit to eat."

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing
but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were
opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of
gold.

Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing
more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The next day the
morning newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

Dom/sub test result

Dominant You are 50% Dominant and 10% Submissive!

You have an inkling in the lifestyle, and you might have some dominant tendencies. You enjoy the thought of someone begging... the feel perhaps of hair in your hand... maybe you're not that knowledgable, but you know what you like!

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Dominant You scored higher than 50% on Submissive

Link: The Master or Slave? Test written by undue_influence on Ok Cupid

Dom/sub test result

Dominant You are 50% Dominant and 10% Submissive!

You have an inkling in the lifestyle, and you might have some dominant tendencies. You enjoy the thought of someone begging... the feel perhaps of hair in your hand... maybe you're not that knowledgable, but you know what you like!

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Dominant You scored higher than 50% on Submissive

Link: The Master or Slave? Test written by undue_influence on Ok Cupid

Nick's Bump

Music choice's Jazz channel is playing "Nick's Bump" by Ben Sidron (my distant cousin on my mom's side) again. I really like this song.

Nick's Bump

Music choice's Jazz channel is playing "Nick's Bump" by Ben Sidron (my distant cousin on my mom's side) again. I really like this song.