Pet Diaries
Jun. 7th, 2006 10:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davidfcooperDue to allergies we do not have pets, but I found this amusing:
Entries in a Dog's Diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
Entries in a Cat's Diary:
Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from
clawing the furniture and carpet. Tomorrow I may eat another house
plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the
top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this
on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body
in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be
an informant. She speaks with them regularly. I am certain she
reports my every move. Due to her current placement in the metal
container, her safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter
of time.
Entries in a Dog's Diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
Entries in a Cat's Diary:
Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from
clawing the furniture and carpet. Tomorrow I may eat another house
plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the
top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this
on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body
in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be
an informant. She speaks with them regularly. I am certain she
reports my every move. Due to her current placement in the metal
container, her safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter
of time.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-07 02:41 pm (UTC)Allergy free cat is being developed
Date: 2006-06-07 04:15 pm (UTC)Re: Allergy free cat is being developed
Date: 2006-06-07 04:32 pm (UTC)