how important is it that your partner/spouse share your passions?

On Saturday after synagogue we went out for lunch, then went on a long walk ending up at the Brooklyn Heights promenade where we sat and talked before going to a social engagement at the home of friends whose apartment overlooks the harbor.

We talked about our personality differences and where our interests differ and overlap. We concluded that had we met under different circumstances (we were both rather isolated when we met) we probably would not have married and the thing we share most now is a common history.

We identified each of our three main passions and there was no overlap. Shoshana's are food, visual arts, and laughter; mine are sex, language, and the life of the mind. Shoshana's three passions are all enthusiasms of mine, but not my main passions. As for mine, Shoshana enjoys sex but doesn't think about it except when she's doing it or about to, sort of like someone who never thinks about food unless it's put in front of her or unless she's hungry (she also considers the details of other people's sex lives as Too Much Information); she lacks the facility for language to develop much enthusiasm for it: she's an avid reader but reads for content not language (though one of her passions, humor, is often language based); and finally though she is quite intelligent she is not an intellectual and never will be: if I want to have an intelligent conversation with her it has to be in an area of her expertise and interest (transportation, urban planning, disaster planning--especially hurricanes, modern art, sports, politics, and Judaic studies--especially ritual and halacha). It's frustrating that while I discuss her passions knowledgeably and with enthusiasm she doesn't reciprocate, and it makes me feel lonely.

I've screened this post friends only and invite all who read it to comment.

how important is it that your partner/spouse share your passions?

On Saturday after synagogue we went out for lunch, then went on a long walk ending up at the Brooklyn Heights promenade where we sat and talked before going to a social engagement at the home of friends whose apartment overlooks the harbor.

We talked about our personality differences and where our interests differ and overlap. We concluded that had we met under different circumstances (we were both rather isolated when we met) we probably would not have married and the thing we share most now is a common history.

We identified each of our three main passions and there was no overlap. Shoshana's are food, visual arts, and laughter; mine are sex, language, and the life of the mind. Shoshana's three passions are all enthusiasms of mine, but not my main passions. As for mine, Shoshana enjoys sex but doesn't think about it except when she's doing it or about to, sort of like someone who never thinks about food unless it's put in front of her or unless she's hungry (she also considers the details of other people's sex lives as Too Much Information); she lacks the facility for language to develop much enthusiasm for it: she's an avid reader but reads for content not language (though one of her passions, humor, is often language based); and finally though she is quite intelligent she is not an intellectual and never will be: if I want to have an intelligent conversation with her it has to be in an area of her expertise and interest (transportation, urban planning, disaster planning--especially hurricanes, modern art, sports, politics, and Judaic studies--especially ritual and halacha). It's frustrating that while I discuss her passions knowledgeably and with enthusiasm she doesn't reciprocate, and it makes me feel lonely.

I've screened this post friends only and invite all who read it to comment.

Shana Tova: 3 items from our friends Ora

one odd...

one not funny...

one maybe funny...

Shana Tova: 3 items from our friends Ora

one odd...

one not funny...

one maybe funny...

What type of writer quiz (thanks to weret_hekau)

No surprise here:

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

What type of writer quiz (thanks to weret_hekau)

No surprise here:

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

grad student humor: the thesis

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy
the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a
fox sneaked up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.

"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits
over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a
fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come
into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you
can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!"

But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with
the rabbit.

The fox never came out.

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing
and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set
upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of
Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you. You really are sick . . . in the head.
You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself. You can eat me afterward if you
disagree with my conclusions."

So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole . . . and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local
lettuce patch.

Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole.

As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate student abode,
albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis.

The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

To the right there was a pile of fox bones, to the left a pile of
wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well fed lion.

The moral of the story:

The title of your thesis doesn't matter.
The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.
All that matters is who your advisor is.

grad student humor: the thesis

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy
the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a
fox sneaked up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.

"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits
over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a
fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come
into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you
can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!"

But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with
the rabbit.

The fox never came out.

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing
and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set
upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of
Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you. You really are sick . . . in the head.
You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself. You can eat me afterward if you
disagree with my conclusions."

So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole . . . and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local
lettuce patch.

Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole.

As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate student abode,
albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis.

The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

To the right there was a pile of fox bones, to the left a pile of
wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well fed lion.

The moral of the story:

The title of your thesis doesn't matter.
The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.
All that matters is who your advisor is.