Pop Quiz on Marriage

[davidfcooper]

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/19/opinion/19coontz.html

Sorry, you have to be a registered NYT user to access this. This may not help much unless you download the image and then enlarge:
http://putfile.com/pic.php?pic=2/4910434346.gif&s=x4

I was surprised to read that 55-60% of children are harmed by divorce but that 40-45% actually benefit. I had thought that all children are inevitably scarred when their parents divorce.

Comments

[theservant.livejournal.com]

I think it makes sense that it can be better for children to be out of a home where there is some serious abuse going on, whether of substance, spouse, or children. Or just to be away from constant fighting. As more of my friends have had kids, I have really noticed how much kids pick up on and are affected by their parents' relationships.

[anaisdjuna.livejournal.com]

I totally agree.

A loving staying together home is ideal.

2nd to that is divorce & recovery.

3rd staying & living in a festering abusive dysfunctional home with no examples of good love to learn from.

I got the third one :-(

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

My parents marriage has always been abusive and dysfunctional but not without love. My sister, who is 13 years younger than I am, is convinced they and we would have been happier and better off had they divorced. Maybe, maybe not; at this point it's speculative history.

[bethr.livejournal.com]

There's nothing quite like having your elementary-school-aged child tell you, "Mom, if you and Dad fight so much you'd better get divorced."

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

See anaisdjuna's comment above & my reply.

[bethr.livejournal.com]

In recent years, the spectre of a parental split-up has never been too far away, so this is not exactly theoretical material.

My guess with my own kids?: One scarred, two barely grazed.

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

The remark you quote in your earlier comment indicates she is already emotionally wounded though perhaps not yet scarred. Has she ever seen a therapist? Whether or not you and xf stay together Sonia might benefit from having an adult professional to help her cope with her parents troubled marriage.

[lil-ms-drama.livejournal.com]

That actually doesn't suprise me. In a lot of ways, I wish my parents had gotten divorced instead of waiting for my dad to die. My mother yelled out at least twice a week "I want a divorce!" That's pretty traumatic for a child to hear repeatedly too.

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

I think my dad would have been happier had they divorced, and my mom would have been forced to become more independent (in all aspects). Had they divorced early I would have one less sibling, though I might have additional half-siblings. What I wonder is how it would have affected me; would I have become more guarded, less trusting, and less able to bond?