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7daysinriobookcover

"This ironic and absurdist highbrow little sex novel is a hoot. . . . Mr. Levy's humor is dryer than Monty Python's but no less funny, and he combines high and low culture in a particularly appealing way."

via nyjournalofbooks.com
 
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'Show me a novel that's not comic and I'll show you a novel that's not doing its job."

Read the entire article on guardian.co.uk

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Someone in the Park's Department must have had fun creating these:

 

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Someone in the Park's Department must have had fun creating these:

 

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WASHINGTON—According to the findings of a recent Department of Health and Human Services study, school lunch programs that teach children to avoid all contact with food may not be an effective method of reducing teen obesity rates.

Students at Culver Junior High are taught the dangers of eating even one tater tot.

Despite the popularity of abstinence-only meal programs in schools across the country, the study found that children who were provided with no food at lunch and cautioned against eating at an early age were no less likely to become overweight than those who were provided with a well-rounded nutritional education.

Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the findings could adversely affect federal funding for all programs that tell kids "lunch is worth waiting for."

"There's no evidence to suggest that instructing teens not to chew, swallow, or even think about food is actually going to stop them from eating," Sebelius told reporters. "Let's face it: Kids are already eating. And not only during lunchtime. They're eating after school, at the mall, in their parents' basements. Pretending like it's not happening isn't going to make it go away."

"After all, they're teenagers," Sebelius continued. "Eating is practically the only thing on their minds."

Researchers tracked a random sampling of students who received an abstinence-only education, like those in the popular "None for Me!" lunch program at Woodbridge High School in Chicago, which encourages children to abstain from eating until after graduation.

A pledge to sustenance abstinence.

"Although these students were repeatedly warned about the evils of eating and made to take fasting pledges, the abstinence-only program did little to curb their overall appetite for food," the report read in part. "In fact, students at Woodbridge were nearly three times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes than children who were given a portion of meat, whole grains, and green vegetables, and then encouraged to skip dessert."

Perhaps more troubling, students who completed the abstinence-only program were reportedly unable to answer the simplest questions about their own digestive systems, and some as old as 17 still believed they could catch high blood pressure from their very first Snickers bar.

"Kids need to know the truth about food," said Sue Weber, a nutritionist. "It's irresponsible for these schools to fill their students with misinformation about the devil working through trans fats, instead of just saying to them, 'Look, I know eating that entire box of Cheez-Its might feel good now, but when you're older, you're going to wish you had gone for the salad.'"

Others argue that complete food abstinence sets an unrealistic standard for the nation's hungry teenagers.

"You can't just tell kids not to eat," said child psychologist Dr. Beth Garcia. "As children grow and their bodies begin to develop, they're going to have certain metabolic urges that are impossible to suppress. We should be giving our kids the tools they need to engage in safe, responsible eating. I'd hate for someone's first time to be with some greasy cheeseburger in the backseat of a car."

Garcia also urged parents to talk to their young children about food before it's too late.

Despite the study's findings, many parents continue to support abstinence-only lunch programs, claiming that it's their right to protect their children from knowing anything about calories for as long as possible.

"It's not the government's place to step in and tell my kids about food and how it's okay in moderation or whatever," said Woodbridge PTA member Steven Bray, a father of two students. "My son's going to learn how to eat the same way I did—by watching monkeys do it at the zoo."

Yesterday, President Obama called on the nation's public school system to work together with his administration to develop a more progressive lunch program that emphasizes healthy eating and discourages late-night snacking. But it remains unclear how students will adjust to the new, more honest nutritional approach.

"I'm never ever going to eat, because eating is wrong, and I'm worth more than a chicken sandwich with asparagus and rice pilaf," Woodbridge seventh-grader Tracey Holmes said. "I heard Jennifer Hines eats all the time, like 50 times a day. I heard she eats all her ice cream upside-down, though, so she doesn't get fat. That's how it works."

"It's really hard, though," Holmes added. "I get so hungry sometimes. Especially after hours and hours of unprotected sex."

Posted via email from davidfcooper's posterous

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WASHINGTON—According to the findings of a recent Department of Health and Human Services study, school lunch programs that teach children to avoid all contact with food may not be an effective method of reducing teen obesity rates.

Students at Culver Junior High are taught the dangers of eating even one tater tot.

Despite the popularity of abstinence-only meal programs in schools across the country, the study found that children who were provided with no food at lunch and cautioned against eating at an early age were no less likely to become overweight than those who were provided with a well-rounded nutritional education.

Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the findings could adversely affect federal funding for all programs that tell kids "lunch is worth waiting for."

"There's no evidence to suggest that instructing teens not to chew, swallow, or even think about food is actually going to stop them from eating," Sebelius told reporters. "Let's face it: Kids are already eating. And not only during lunchtime. They're eating after school, at the mall, in their parents' basements. Pretending like it's not happening isn't going to make it go away."

"After all, they're teenagers," Sebelius continued. "Eating is practically the only thing on their minds."

Researchers tracked a random sampling of students who received an abstinence-only education, like those in the popular "None for Me!" lunch program at Woodbridge High School in Chicago, which encourages children to abstain from eating until after graduation.

A pledge to sustenance abstinence.

"Although these students were repeatedly warned about the evils of eating and made to take fasting pledges, the abstinence-only program did little to curb their overall appetite for food," the report read in part. "In fact, students at Woodbridge were nearly three times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes than children who were given a portion of meat, whole grains, and green vegetables, and then encouraged to skip dessert."

Perhaps more troubling, students who completed the abstinence-only program were reportedly unable to answer the simplest questions about their own digestive systems, and some as old as 17 still believed they could catch high blood pressure from their very first Snickers bar.

"Kids need to know the truth about food," said Sue Weber, a nutritionist. "It's irresponsible for these schools to fill their students with misinformation about the devil working through trans fats, instead of just saying to them, 'Look, I know eating that entire box of Cheez-Its might feel good now, but when you're older, you're going to wish you had gone for the salad.'"

Others argue that complete food abstinence sets an unrealistic standard for the nation's hungry teenagers.

"You can't just tell kids not to eat," said child psychologist Dr. Beth Garcia. "As children grow and their bodies begin to develop, they're going to have certain metabolic urges that are impossible to suppress. We should be giving our kids the tools they need to engage in safe, responsible eating. I'd hate for someone's first time to be with some greasy cheeseburger in the backseat of a car."

Garcia also urged parents to talk to their young children about food before it's too late.

Despite the study's findings, many parents continue to support abstinence-only lunch programs, claiming that it's their right to protect their children from knowing anything about calories for as long as possible.

"It's not the government's place to step in and tell my kids about food and how it's okay in moderation or whatever," said Woodbridge PTA member Steven Bray, a father of two students. "My son's going to learn how to eat the same way I did—by watching monkeys do it at the zoo."

Yesterday, President Obama called on the nation's public school system to work together with his administration to develop a more progressive lunch program that emphasizes healthy eating and discourages late-night snacking. But it remains unclear how students will adjust to the new, more honest nutritional approach.

"I'm never ever going to eat, because eating is wrong, and I'm worth more than a chicken sandwich with asparagus and rice pilaf," Woodbridge seventh-grader Tracey Holmes said. "I heard Jennifer Hines eats all the time, like 50 times a day. I heard she eats all her ice cream upside-down, though, so she doesn't get fat. That's how it works."

"It's really hard, though," Holmes added. "I get so hungry sometimes. Especially after hours and hours of unprotected sex."

Posted via email from davidfcooper's posterous

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The FarceHaven Tribune


Nun Excommunicated for Moonlighting as Exotic Dancer
By Vince Wylendifzt -- Contributing Author

-->

By day, Sister Evangelina Corinthian, a demure, soft-spoken nun taught classes at the small private school adjacent to the Church of St. Ignatius Pasquale, ministered to parishioners in need, prayed with her fellow sisters, performed volunteer work in the community, and performed her daily duties within the parish. Like other nuns, Sister Evangelina wore the traditional nun�s habit, sans makeup or jewelry.

But baking communion wafers was apparently not the Sister�s only calling. In a scandal that sent shock waves through the small, conservative New England community, and rocked the very pulpit of the church, it was discovered that the Sister was, in fact, leading a double life: Nun by day. Exotic dancer by night.

According to Father Romeo Chacha, spokesperson for the Archdiocese, Sister Evangelina was moonlighting at the Upside Down Pussycat Club, a premiere men�s club in the downtown district where she was known as "Angel." In a statement to the press, Father Chacha denounced the nun�s actions saying, "We are shocked and saddened by this revelation. We do not condone the Sister�s immoral and sinful acts, and pray that she be delivered from evil. She has defiled herself in a most vulgar and unholy manner. In light of Sister Evangelina�s betrayal of her vows, and for conducting herself in a manner most unbecoming to a nun, our only recourse is to excommunicate her from the Church."

In an ironic twist, unconfirmed sources reported that Father Romeo Chacha was seen (without his collar) in a thinly veiled disguise at the Pussycat Club receiving a lap dance from the Sister, by another member of the parish who wished to remain anonymous. When asked by a reporter if there was any truth to the rumor, Father Chacha, who looked mortified, turned a lighter shade of red and belched. "Pardon me." he said.

"Father Chacha . . . ?" pressed the reporter for an answer. Father Chacha cleared his throat and sounded like Gregory Peck in the remake of Cape Fear, when he said, "Of course not, and I am deeply offended at the mere supposition of impropriety."

What led to the Sister�s descent into the seamy, dark, underbelly of a smoke-filled nightclub where gratuitous sex and pole dancing are the name of the game, is anyone�s guess. "Nobody could work the pole like Angel," said the club�s manager, Butch, a beefy, fortysomething guy with a thick neck, greasy, slicked back hair, and a black mustache and goatee, wearing a gold chain, a bracelet, and a pinky ring. "She�s built like a brick shithouse with a triple D cup. Who can top that?" he said offhandedly, puffing on a cigar. "And limber . . . Jesus . . . she can twist her body into positions that would make a circus freak blush." A full page salatious spread (no pun intended) showcased the disgraced Sister�s hidden talents: In one picture she was topless, facing the audience spread eagle on the pole, in another she was spread eagle upside down on the pole, and in another shot she was bent over with her head between her legs, smiling seductively at the onlookers.

Return to The Archives

 

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The FarceHaven Tribune


Nun Excommunicated for Moonlighting as Exotic Dancer
By Vince Wylendifzt -- Contributing Author

-->

By day, Sister Evangelina Corinthian, a demure, soft-spoken nun taught classes at the small private school adjacent to the Church of St. Ignatius Pasquale, ministered to parishioners in need, prayed with her fellow sisters, performed volunteer work in the community, and performed her daily duties within the parish. Like other nuns, Sister Evangelina wore the traditional nun�s habit, sans makeup or jewelry.

But baking communion wafers was apparently not the Sister�s only calling. In a scandal that sent shock waves through the small, conservative New England community, and rocked the very pulpit of the church, it was discovered that the Sister was, in fact, leading a double life: Nun by day. Exotic dancer by night.

According to Father Romeo Chacha, spokesperson for the Archdiocese, Sister Evangelina was moonlighting at the Upside Down Pussycat Club, a premiere men�s club in the downtown district where she was known as "Angel." In a statement to the press, Father Chacha denounced the nun�s actions saying, "We are shocked and saddened by this revelation. We do not condone the Sister�s immoral and sinful acts, and pray that she be delivered from evil. She has defiled herself in a most vulgar and unholy manner. In light of Sister Evangelina�s betrayal of her vows, and for conducting herself in a manner most unbecoming to a nun, our only recourse is to excommunicate her from the Church."

In an ironic twist, unconfirmed sources reported that Father Romeo Chacha was seen (without his collar) in a thinly veiled disguise at the Pussycat Club receiving a lap dance from the Sister, by another member of the parish who wished to remain anonymous. When asked by a reporter if there was any truth to the rumor, Father Chacha, who looked mortified, turned a lighter shade of red and belched. "Pardon me." he said.

"Father Chacha . . . ?" pressed the reporter for an answer. Father Chacha cleared his throat and sounded like Gregory Peck in the remake of Cape Fear, when he said, "Of course not, and I am deeply offended at the mere supposition of impropriety."

What led to the Sister�s descent into the seamy, dark, underbelly of a smoke-filled nightclub where gratuitous sex and pole dancing are the name of the game, is anyone�s guess. "Nobody could work the pole like Angel," said the club�s manager, Butch, a beefy, fortysomething guy with a thick neck, greasy, slicked back hair, and a black mustache and goatee, wearing a gold chain, a bracelet, and a pinky ring. "She�s built like a brick shithouse with a triple D cup. Who can top that?" he said offhandedly, puffing on a cigar. "And limber . . . Jesus . . . she can twist her body into positions that would make a circus freak blush." A full page salatious spread (no pun intended) showcased the disgraced Sister�s hidden talents: In one picture she was topless, facing the audience spread eagle on the pole, in another she was spread eagle upside down on the pole, and in another shot she was bent over with her head between her legs, smiling seductively at the onlookers.

Return to The Archives

 

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An embarrassed Julia Sweeney tries to come up with age appropriate answers to her 8 year old daughter's questions about human reproduction.

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An embarrassed Julia Sweeney tries to come up with age appropriate answers to her 8 year old daughter's questions about human reproduction.

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